The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
