you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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