This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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