8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
