Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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