my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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