He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
