in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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