I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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