new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
