how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
