direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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