Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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