Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize