she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
