I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
