I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
