Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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