we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
