fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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