In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
