Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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