I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
