Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
