my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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