I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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