Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
