Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think my moral compass just broke
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
