I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
