shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
