I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
