everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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