I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
