Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
