If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
