Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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