the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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