i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I party with great urgency now.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
