I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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