The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
