Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
