Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
