Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
