VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
