Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Success! We fucked roommates!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
