Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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