There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
