Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
