xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
