Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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