listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
