Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
