I want to stick my p in your. b.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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