Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
