Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize