if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
