Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My vagina is very pro this idea
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
