I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
bring money and cleavage
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
