ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
