dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
