I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
