what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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