Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
