Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
