she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
