That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
