every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
