As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
